[:phone on] RED DWARF Series 5 Episode 6, "Back to Reality" Underwater. [_<800>] [:np] In this episode, our friends experience a lot of hulicination. For instance, they would imagine the ship crashing, when actually everything is fine. Will they ever get out of this State? come and find out yourself! [_<800>] [:np] [:ra 245] [_<800>] A space ship is on the floor of a sea or ocean. Starbug lands close to it. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Mr. Rimmer, sir. We've located the black box terminal. You should be getting something now. [:np] [:ra 245] RIMMER is talking to the others over the radio. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Confirmed. Ident details: SSS Esperanto. Ocean seeding ship. Mission to introduce oceanic life to potential S3 planets. This was a recon trip. A 3 year check, strictly routine, to make sure that the amino acid chain had taken. [:np] [:ra 245] LISTER, CAT, and kryten are trudging around the dark ship while RIMMER speaks to them over the radio from Starbug. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] They had been trying some new enhancement technique to accelerate the evolutionary process. Topped their best projections. [:np] [:ra 245] The camera switches back an forth from group to group as they speak. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] They got 5 million years of evolution in 3 solar years. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] So what happened? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Final entry: routine stuff. They spent the day cataloging and indexing new life-forms. Then it stops. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] The question which occurs: if this ocean is supposed to be teeming with new life forms, where are they all? [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] What are you implying, Kryten? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] No implication intended, sir. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Yes there is. You're saying there's some huge damn fish out there, aren't you? Some kind of gigantic, weird, pre-historic leviathan who has porked its entire way through this ocean. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] That's one option. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Any alternatives? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] None that occur. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] Hey, wait a minute! I've got it! Don't fish swim south for the winter? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] No, that's birds , sir. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] Birds swim south for the winter? How do they breath? [:np] [:ra 245] LISTER discovers a skeleton in an adjoining room. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Guys! Rimmer, you getting this? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] It looks like Norman Bates' mum. [:np] [:ra 245] The others have followed LISTER into the room and now kryten scans the decayed corpse. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Human, male, Caucasian. Cause of death gunshot wound to the head. From the entry and exit wounds, most likely self-inflicted. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] Here's another one! [:np] [:ra 245] A body is hanging from a pipe, noose round neck. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Two suicides? [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] There's more! [:np] [:ra 245] The group moves on to examine yet another corpse. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] A male. Oriental. Clearly he has committed Seppuku. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] Hey! Look what I found. [:np] [:ra 245] CAT holds up a fish corpse for kryten to scan. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Species: unknown. Similar to Earth haddock. Cause of death: suffocation. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] What? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] What is it? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] This fish suffocated in water. It voluntarily closed its own gills. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] Are you saying that this haddock committed suicide? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] I'm merely stating the known facts. This fish relinquished its life of its own free will. Damned fool! [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Why would a haddock kill itself? Why am I even asking that question? [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] Hang five, guys, I'm getting something. He committed suicide, he committed suicide, he committed suicide, and the fish committed suicide. There's some kind of link here I can't quite make out. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Hang on a minute, guys. . Check this! [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] It's an unknown compound. Best guess is some sort of hallucinogenic venom secreted from a piscine source, not unlike Earth's octopus or giant squid. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] This is octopus ink? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Well, I'm just completing a chemical analysis. Err... [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] What? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Come on sirs, we have to go! [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] What's happening? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] We have to go!! [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Kryten, what's going on? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Entering air lock. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Repressurising now. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Some kind of sea creature, a life form we have never encountered before attacked this ship. Its defense mechanism is a curious one. It secretes a venom, a poison, possibly even a hallucinogenic, which disfunctions its prey by inducing despair. That's why the crew members, and even that fish, committed suicide. Unfortunately, we have become contaminated. It's a greatly reduced dose but we may find that we do experience moments of despair and anguish. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] What about Lister and the Cat? [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] I'm OK. I don't seem to be affected. It's true, I don't think anyone ever truly loved me in my entire life, but there's nothing new about that. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] What's gotten into you guys? This is like Saturday night at the Wailing Wall! Why is it always me that has to be the strong one? I mean you guys just fall apart. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] I think we should get back just as soon as we can and then take a mood-stabiliser. I suggest Lithium Carbonate. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] I know that emotionally this probably isn't the news you want to hear right now but there's a blob on the sonar scope the size of New Mexico and it's heading your way. [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: I think our friend the "Suicide Squid" is about to make an appearance. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Where is it precisely? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Directly above you, about 2000 fathoms and diving. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Oh, thanks a lot, Rimmer. You know the state we're in and you have to go and give us news like that. You couldn't have lied? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] I was lying. It's only 1000 fathoms. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] We're entering Starbug's airlock now. [:np] [:ra 245] The blob is moving around without really closing in on them. [:np] [:ra 245] Starbug rear section. LISTER and CAT are using breathing masks while everyone is standing around the scope. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] What's it doing? [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] It's trying to figure out what we are. Cut the power. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] This venom -- are we safe in here? [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] It penetrated the hull of a class D Space Corps seeding ship. In comparison we're a sardine tin. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] It's moving. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Where? [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: Down. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Speed? [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: 15 knots... 16... 18... [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] It's diving. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Course? [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: Collision. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Do we move or stay? [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: 25 knots... 35... 50... [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] It's coming straight for us. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] There are only three alternatives. It thinks we're either a threat, food, or a mate. It's gonna either kill us, eat us, or hump us. We can either persuade it that we are not that sort of oceanic salvage vessel or we scarper pronto. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] To be diddled by a giant squid on the first date? Think how we'd feel in the morning! [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] OK, we're going to try and out run it. [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240], hit the power, and give me manual! [:np] [:ra 245] Starbug lifts off from the ocean bed and starts to move off as quick as it can. The despair squid is in hot pursuit. [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: Change bearing, one zero five. There's some natural caverns about 3 clicks away. It might give us some cover. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] That's a yo, [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]! New course in! [:np] [:ra 245] They are approaching the underwater caverns when the creature catches up with them, driving them down into the ground. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] It's hit us! [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Look out! [:np] [:ra 245] They impact hard on a ridge, and Starbug explodes! Game room. We see some very hefty game machinery. The entire group is sitting in dentist-style seats around a central control machine. They are dressed in overalls and have large oxygen masks over their faces. They begin to stir. [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] As with all role-playing adventures you will experience a certain amount of disorientation on leaving the game. It will be several minutes before your real-life memories return. So, in the meantime, please disengage the game-playing machinery and relax until an attendant is free to answer any of your questions. On behalf of Leisure World International, may we be the first to say, welcome back to reality! [:np] [:ra 245] The masks lift up and allow the group to get out of their chairs. LISTER's hair is straight and he has a ponytail kryten has a metal skull plate but has human hands. RIMMER's hair looks like Dr. Emmet Brown from Back to the Future. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] This is a very, very bad dream, right? [:np] [:ra 245] RIMMER stumbles and is caught by LISTER. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] I'm not a hologram. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] I'm half human! [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] What the hell's happened to my teeth? [:np] [:ra 245] He has teeth with a gigantic overbite and also a "Pyrex bowl" haircut. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] I can open beer bottles with my overbite!! [:np] [:ra 245] An attendant appears. He is ANDY and has a very strong Birmingham accent. [:nf] Allright, lads! How you feeling? A bit wonky? Perfectly normal. You'll be as right as rain in 20 minutes. So, if you could just move through into the recuperation lounge, I can get things ready for the next lot. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] The next lot? [:nf] Yeah, a very popular game is Red Dwarf. It's got a two year waiting list. Only got 20 machines. So! How did you get killed, then? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Some kind of squid. [:nf] The despair squid? There's no way that should have killed you! Why didn't you use the laser cannons? It's obvious! [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Starbug doesn't -- didn't have a laser cannon capability. [:nf] You twonk! Use the laser cannons on the crashed... wotsit... Esperanto. That's how you get out of it! [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] How were we supposed to know that, you Brummie git? [:nf] Esperanto. That's a clue, isn't it? Esperanto -- hope. Hope defeats despair. Despair -- the Despair Squid. It's a blatant clue, isn't it? Blatant! If you didn't get that you must have been playing like puddings! Which one was playing Lister, then? [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Me. [:nf] Did you get Kochanski? [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Was I supposed to? [:nf] Supposed to? That's the objective of the game for Lister, you twonk! You get separated to begin with and basically it's a love story across time, space, death, and reality. You must have got the easy stuff, though! Here, what did you think of the Planet of the Nymphomaniacs? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] The Planet of the what? [:nf] What, you missed that? Oh, that's a riot! Some people spend years on that. Which one was Rimmer? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Me. [:nf] Ohh, he's amazing, in't he? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] You can say that again. [:nf] How long did it take you to suss him out, then? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Ahh, I had him sussed right from the beginning. [:nf] Really? You found the Captain's message right away? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] What Captain's message? [:nf] The one that's hidden in the microdot in the 'i' in Rimmer's swimming certificate. Well, that's the clue, isn't it? Rimmer having a swimming certificate and not being able to swim! [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] That's a clue? [:nf] It's a blatant clue, isn't it? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] A blatant clue to what? [:nf] A blatant clue to the truth behind Rimmer. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] What truth? [:nf] The truth to why he is such an insufferable pratt. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] That's because of his parents, his upbringing, his background. The fact that he was never loved. [:nf] No, no, no. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Yes, yes, yes. [:nf] No, no, no. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Yes, yes, yes. [:nf] No! [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] What was it then? [:nf] He was a hand-picked special agent for the Space Corps. He had his memory erased and was programmed to behave like a complete twonk so no one would suspect he was on a mission to destroy Red Dwarf in order to guide Lister to his destiny as the creator of the second universe! [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] You what? [:nf] Yeah! You know the bit where Lister jump starts the second big bang with jump leads from Starbug? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Jump starts the second big bang? [:nf] Well, that's the final irony, isn't it? Lister, the ultimate atheist, turns out in fact to be God! [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] What? [:nf] It's all in the Captain's message. It's all in the microdot. Hang on a minute! Are you... are you seriously telling me you were playing the pratt version of Rimmer for all that time? For four years? Wow, that's a classic that is! That's a classic! [:np] [:ra 245] A new group of T.I.V.G. players arrive. [:nf] All right, lads. Which one's Lister? [:np] [:ra 245] One of the group members raises his hand. [:nf] Right. Got the food bag, bio-feedback catheter. It's all there. You can start plugging yourself in. Here, whatever you do don't mix the food line with the catheter, will you? I had some bloke that did that and didn't spot it for 2 days. Heh heh heh! OK, Kryten, in you go, son. OK, Cat, Rimmer... [:nf] Hey, give us a bit of room here, will ya please chaps? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Well, where do we go? We don't know who we are -- our memories haven't returned yet. [:nf] The re-cup-er-a-tion Lounge. I keep telling you. Blimey! No wonder you only scored four percent. Gaw, what a bunch of twonks. [:np] [:ra 245] The recuperation lounge. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] I'm not Lister, then. I'm not me, am I? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] None of us are who we thought we were, sir. This is going to take some getting used to. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] I'm not Rimmer, then? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] No. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] I'm not a hologram. I'm not Rimmer! [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] Well, if we are not who we thought we were, who the hell are we? [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] The kind of sad'acs who want to spend four years playing a computer game. Either we're running away from god-knows-what, or we have nothing worth living for in the first place. A nurse arrives. [:nb] Is there a Dibbley in here? [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Pardon? [:nb] Dibbley? [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] No, sorry. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Wait a minute. How do you know there is no one called Dwane Dibbley in here? It could be you. [:nb] No, this is right. Dibbley. This is the Dibbley party. Which one's Dibbley? [:np] [:ra 245] The camera focuses on CAT. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] No! No, no, please, no! I don't want to be Dibbley! [:np] [:ra 245] The nurse finds DIBBLEY's bag with his ID on it, and gets it for him. [:nb] It's you. Here are your party's clothes and possessions. The medical officer will be down in 20 minutes. [:nw] Dibbley? How can I be called Dibbley? [:np] [:ra 245] LISTER starts going through the case the NURSE picked out. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] It's true. It's got your photograph, name, and address on it and everything. There's an anorak in here! White socks. Nylon shirt. Plastic sandals. Aertex vest. Cardigan! Oh, and a key to the Salvation Army hostel. [:nw] It doesn't make sense! [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] I'm sorry, but I'm afraid it makes perfect sense, Dwane!! Imagine a guy with no `elan, no style -- a misfit. Doesn't it just make total sense that this hapless creature would give his buck teeth to play someone like the the Cat in a computer game? [:nw] So this is really me? A no-style gimbo, with teeth the druids could use as a place of worship? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Kryten, open the next one! [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Listen, whoever you are: don't push your luck by ordering whoever I am around. Because, almost certainly, whoever I am, I'm not the kind of guy who's going to take any crap from whoever you are. So before you start ordering me around let's establish whether I'm the kind of guy who doesn't mind being ordered around, or if I'm the kind of guy who gets all up tight by being ordered around by whatever the kind of guy you are. Clear? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] All I said was, "Open the next one." [:np] [:ra 245] During this spiel LISTER has grabbed another bag. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] kryten) Allright, this one's you. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Oh! Who am I? [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Wow You're a detective! In the Cybernautic Division of the Police Department. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Oh! Golly! Really? [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Yeah. This is your badge. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] A detective, huh? What's my name? [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Jake. Jake Bullet. [:nd] Jake Bullet, Cybernautic Detective. I like that! That sounds like the kind of hard-living flat foot who gets the job done by cutting corners and bucking authority. And if those pen-pushers up at City Hall don't like it, well, they can park their over-payed, fat ass's on this mid-digit and swivel -- swivel till they squeal like pigs on a honeymoon. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] On the other hand, "Mr. Bullet," perhaps the Cybernautics division is in charge of traffic control. You just happen to have a rather silly macho name. [:nd] Oh yes, that's a very good point, sir. I didn't think of that. [:nw] Dibbley? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] So, whoever you are, who's next? [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] I don't want to know. Someone else look. [:nd] Stand aside! Let the law handle this. [:np] [:ra 245] He grabs the next case. [:nd] Hmm... No photograph. Name, "Billy Doyle." [:np] [:ra 245] The group looks at LISTER. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Not necessarily. It's not necessarily me. [:np] [:ra 245] LISTER gets up to investigate the suitcase. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Billy Doyle. Well, that's a name that came from the wrong side of the the tracks, isn't it? You can see it all now: a youth spent in and out of corrective institutions. A string of illegitimate children. The wife will be all white shoes, no tights, and blotchy legs. Has to take up petty crime to cover the court orders for maintenance. Before he knows it he's standing in a bank with a sawn-off shotgun. Somehow it goes off. An old lady gets both barrels through a crocheted bobble hat. All he can do is hide. But where? And then it hits him -- with all his ill-gotten gains he can buy four years in a computer game and wait until the heat's off. So ends the Ballad of Billy "Granny Killer" Doyle. [:np] [:ra 245] LISTER let's out a big sigh of relief and hands the case to RIMMER. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] It's yours. [:nk] [:dv br 2 qu 10 ap 90 sr 40 hr 0 la 0 hr 60 gv 65 gh 90 gn 70 bf 970] [:ra 220] What? [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] It's yours, "Bill." [:nk] [:dv br 2 qu 10 ap 90 sr 40 hr 0 la 0 hr 60 gv 65 gh 90 gn 70 bf 970] [:ra 220] No. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Check the ugly mug on the ID then, man. [:np] [:ra 245] LISTER sits down next to BILLY and shows him the ID. [:nk] [:dv br 2 qu 10 ap 90 sr 40 hr 0 la 0 hr 60 gv 65 gh 90 gn 70 bf 970] [:ra 220] William Doyle. "William Doyle." Good ol' Bill Doyle. You know, that sounds like a hell of a good name to me! Probably connected with the Boston Doyles. Old money, blue chip stock. You know, I think it's all starting to come back to me now. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] What puzzles me slightly is what a man of such undoubted good breeding would be doing wearing a coat that smells like an elderly male yak has taken a leak in both the pockets. [:nk] [:dv br 2 qu 10 ap 90 sr 40 hr 0 la 0 hr 60 gv 65 gh 90 gn 70 bf 970] [:ra 220] Well, isn't it obvious? [:nd] No, it isn't. [:nk] [:dv br 2 qu 10 ap 90 sr 40 hr 0 la 0 hr 60 gv 65 gh 90 gn 70 bf 970] [:ra 220] god My name is Billy Doyle and my cologne is "Eau de Yak Urine." [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] So, who am I, then? [:np] [:ra 245] He gets up again and opens the last case. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Wow! Look at my gear! This stuff's really, really expensive! [:nk] [:dv br 2 qu 10 ap 90 sr 40 hr 0 la 0 hr 60 gv 65 gh 90 gn 70 bf 970] [:ra 220] (Springing to his feet) Are you quite absolutely sure this isn't my box? [:nd] Who are you? What do you do? [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] I work for some company -- CGI. I've got a limo in the long-term car park. [:nk] [:dv br 2 qu 10 ap 90 sr 40 hr 0 la 0 hr 60 gv 65 gh 90 gn 70 bf 970] [:ra 220] Well, clearly you were privy to all the breaks and advantages that life denied poor old William Doyle here. [:np] [:ra 245] JAKE has found an ID badge that fell of the case. [:nd] Sir, I think you should take a look at this. Willy, meet your brother, Sebastian. [:np] [:ra 245] SEBASTIAN and BILLY check out the ID JAKE has found. [:nd] Well, half brothers. Uterinal -- same mother. [:np] [:ra 245] Corridor outside the lounge. JAKE, dressed in a suit, trench coat, and hat, leaves the room first. [:nd] This is a crazy idea. We can't leave now. Our memories haven't returned yet. [:np] [:ra 245] Next comes BILLY, looking like a homeless combination of Columbo and Albert Einstein. [:nk] [:dv br 2 qu 10 ap 90 sr 40 hr 0 la 0 hr 60 gv 65 gh 90 gn 70 bf 970] [:ra 220] We've got to find out more about ourselves. I refuse to accept I'm his alky dropout, yak-coat-wearing, half-brother. [:np] [:ra 245] Dibbley stumbles out next, wearing some remarkably uncool clothes and toting a thermos. [:nw]Dibbley! SEBASTIAN is wearing a dark overcoat over some nice, tan clothes. He saunters nonchalantly until he notices the viewer on one side of the hall, and stops to look into the newly-started Red Dwarf Game. [:np] [:ra 245] The viewer shows Starbug taking off and crashing through Red Dwarf's cargo bay doors. [:np] [:ra 245] Starbug cockpit. The new KOCHANSKI storms through into the cockpit and confronts the NEW LISTER. [:nr] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 180 pr 95] Are you crazy, Lister? Are you totally nuts? You risk your own neck and everybody elses just to save my life? You do that again and I'll kill you! [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Hey, Kochanski. [:np] [:ra 245] He gets out of the pilots seat, spits out what is left of his cigar, and pulls the NEW KOCHANSKI close. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Shaarrtt up! [:np] [:ra 245] He holds her tight and starts to kiss her. At first she struggles, but soon she is passionately kissing him back. [:np] [:ra 245] Corridor outside the lounge. SEBASTIAN looks away from the observation screen, depressed. He sighs. Leisure World International. They leave the Total Immersion Video Arcade and enter the car park level. They pass two posters stuck on a wall. [:np] Editors note: Captain Holester's voice will be Sebastian's. Not to confuse anyone with this. [:nh] [:dv br 0 as 100 hs 90] "Vote Fascist for a third glorious decade of total law enforcement." [:nd] "Be a government informer. Betray your family & friends. Fabulous prizes to be won." [:np] [:ra 245] They arrive at the limo, which is covered with a car cover. [:nh] [:dv br 0 as 100 hs 90] There it is. [:nk] [:dv br 2 qu 10 ap 90 sr 40 hr 0 la 0 hr 60 gv 65 gh 90 gn 70 bf 970] [:ra 220] This is your car? [:nh] [:dv br 0 as 100 hs 90] Bay 47. A young child runs into view and across the car park, being chased by a man in a suit. [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] Note: the voice for the cop will be the old holly's. There are too many characters and I can't invent a new voice! [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] Halt or I'll fire! [:np] [:ra 245] The child runs right between BILLY and JAKE while the COP stops and raises his gun. [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] Move, voters! [:nd] Move an inch and I'll crush every bone in your body. [:np] [:ra 245] The COP has lost the girl, but he does not lower his gun -- it's an automatic weapon that looks all too loaded. He approaches the group angrily. [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] You helped an enemy of democracy escape. She was stealing an apple of the people. [:nd] aBullet. Cybernautics! [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] That's traffic control. [:np] [:ra 245] JAKE is crestfallen and turns his badge around to look at it. The others, sans SEBASTIAN, can't believe their bad luck. [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] Kneel, voters. You are under sentence of death. Come out of the shadows, voter. [:np] [:ra 245] SEBASTIAN walks forward, arms raised in surrender. [:nh] [:dv br 0 as 100 hs 90] What's the beef? Did she steal your lunch box? [:np] [:ra 245] The COP finally gets a look at who he's talking to. [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] M-mm-many apologies, Voter Colonel. Had I known it was you... [:np] [:ra 245] He slowly lowers his gun, lowers his head, and clicks his heels in a salute. [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] Forgive me. [:nh] [:dv br 0 as 100 hs 90] You know me? [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] Of course, Voter Colonel. [:nh] [:dv br 0 as 100 hs 90] Who am I? [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] You... are... Colonel Sebastian Doyle. Section chief of CGI. Head of the Ministry of Alteration. [:nh] [:dv br 0 as 100 hs 90] Remind me a little. What do we do at the "Ministry of Alteration?" [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] You... change people, sir. [:nh] [:dv br 0 as 100 hs 90] In what way? [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] You change them from being alive people, to being dead people. To purify democracy. [:nk] [:dv br 2 qu 10 ap 90 sr 40 hr 0 la 0 hr 60 gv 65 gh 90 gn 70 bf 970] [:ra 220] Purify? [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] No one has done more to purge the ballot boxes than the Voter Colonel. [:nw] So, why has he been away for four years? [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] Excuse me me, Voter Colonel, but is this some sort of test? [:nh] [:dv br 0 as 100 hs 90] Answer him! [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] The rumour was that you had grown weary of your glorious duties and had gone away -- in secret -- to renew yourself. [:np] [:ra 245] The child, a little girl, leaves her hiding place and tries to run away. [:np] [:dv as 0 bf 0 la 20 nf 00 ri 100 sm 0 hr 0 sr 0] [:ra 220] Halt!! The COP raises his gun and fires a few shots, and then slumps to the ground, revealing JAKE BULLET, a half-man with a weapon aimed right at the spot where the COP used to be standing. [:np] [:ra 245] Starbug rear section. All of a sudden the view switches to an interior of Starbug, where LISTER, CAT, kryten, and RIMMER are acting out their adventures in the totalitarian state, unbeknownst to them. kryten is holding a cross-bow. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] killed him. [:np] [:ra 245] Totalitarian car park. [:nh] [:dv br 0 as 100 hs 90] Lets get out of here. In the car! [:np] [:ra 245] Starbug rear section. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Get in the car! [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] I killed him. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] We haven't got time for that, Kryten. In the car! [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] I killed a human! [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] In the car! [:np] [:ra 245] They all sit on boxes and trunks in Starbug. They are arranged 2x2 in a car shape. LISTER is driving, kryten is the "front-seat" passenger, and CAT and RIMMER are in the "back seat." [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Lookout! Fascist cops by the left and they are armed! [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] You're hit! [:np] [:ra 245] The CAT grabs his "injured" right arm. [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: Hello! For the 3000th time, you're hallucinating! Can anyone hear me? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Uh oh, speed bumps! [:np] [:ra 245] They hit the imaginary speed bumps by LISTER and kryten bouncing up first, followed immediately by CAT and RIMMER. They bounce up a second and third time over more bumps. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Chicane! [:np] [:ra 245] They swing left, right, and left again on their boxes. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Look out -- the barrier. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Brace yourselves! We're going through it! [:np] [:ra 245] They crash the barrier, with much bouncing around. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Motorcycles! Looks like they're carrying personal rocket launchers! [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] That bridge -- think we can make it? [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] It's raising! [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Got any better ideas? [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] Let's do it! [:np] [:ra 245] LISTER grabs an imaginary stick shift and goes down a gear. He slams the "pedal" to the floor. They sway back from the acceleration's "G-force." The car hits the bridge and takes off. [:np] [:ra 245] They hit the other side, are shaken about, but are OK. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] We made it! Nice driving. around) So long suckers! [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Uh oh! Helicopters! [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Oh, I'm going to have to dump the limo. [:np] [:ra 245] LISTER swerves around a bit, and brings the "limo" to a hasty stop. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] OK, come on! Go! Go!! Go!! [:np] [:ra 245] They all get out and begin running around the crates except for CAT, who sits for a little while holding his "wounded" arm. After looking around franticly for a moment, he also manages to open his "door" and gets out to join in the running. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] Down that alley! [:np] [:ra 245] Back in the hallucination scene they run down an alleyway and come to a halt by a flashing neon sign of a burger bar. Most of the group is looking back to see if there is any pursuit, but not JAKE. [:nd] I killed him. I killed a human. [:np] [:ra 245] JAKE puts his gun to his own head. He pulls the trigger. Click! It doesn't go off. [:nd] Damn! [:nh] [:dv br 0 as 100 hs 90] What are you doing? [:nd] It is fundamental to me never to take a life, no matter what the provocation. I could have stunned him. I killed him. I must terminate myself. [:np] [:ra 245] JAKE ejects the clip from his gun, examines it, and re-inserts it. He kicks a bullet into the chamber. [:nk] [:dv br 2 qu 10 ap 90 sr 40 hr 0 la 0 hr 60 gv 65 gh 90 gn 70 bf 970] [:ra 220] This is a nightmare. I'm on the run from the fascist police with a murderer and a mass murderer and a man in a Brie Nidel shirt. A flotsam, jetsam, human wreckage, sputum bag who smells like a yak latrine. And now my best flashing mac' is about to be splattered with an android's brain. I'm after you with the gun. [:nh] [:dv br 0 as 100 hs 90] Yeah, count me in to. [:nw] Ditto. [:nd] But there's only one bullet left! [:nw] Ah, we could put our heads together and the bullet could go down the line. [:np] [:ra 245] They all get close together with their heads in a line. JAKE holds the gun to his head. Starbug rear section. [:np] [:ra 245] kryten is holding the cross-bow loaded with a bolt against his head as the group stands in line waiting to be killed. [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: Kryten, I'm broadcasting on a higher frequency. Can you hear me now? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Did somebody say something? [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: You're hallucinating! Put the gun down! [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] I think I'm going to put the gun down. [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: Walk forward three paces! [:nd] I think I'm going to walk forward three paces. [:nk] [:dv br 2 qu 10 ap 90 sr 40 hr 0 la 0 hr 60 gv 65 gh 90 gn 70 bf 970] [:ra 220] Well, he's cracking up. [:nd] I've a strange compulsion to pick up this fire extinguisher and twist the release wheel. [:np] [:ra 245] [:np] [:ra 245] Starbug rear section. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Have you quite finished being strange? [:np] [:ra 245] kryten has a cannister of Lithium Carbonate in his hands. He puts it back down. [:nd] I'm sorry, sir. I don't know what came over me. [:np] [:ra 245] They all put their heads together again, gun at the ready. [:nd] OK? [:nh] [:dv br 0 as 100 hs 90] OK. [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: You're hallucinating! [:np] [:ra 245] The group of misfits looks startled. [:np] [:ra 245] Starbug rear section. [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: You're hallucinating! [:np] [:ra 245] The group appears to be snapping out of it. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] What? [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: I though you weren't going to make it! Welcome Back to Reality! [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] What happened? [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: You had a group hallucination! Brought on by the ink from the despair squid. You were about to commit suicide, just like the crew of the Esperanto, until the mood-stabilizer saved you. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] The Lithium Carbonate! [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] What? We would have really killed ourselves? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Of course! The hallucinations were designed to induce despair! To attack the very things we each consider quintessential to our self- esteem. Take Mr. Lister: Back there he could no longer blame his failings and shortcomings on his parents because he shared an upbringing with you, sir, his richer, more important, half-brother. The Cat lost his "Cool" and life for him no longer had any meaning because he is so mind-meltingly shallow. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] That's right, superficial is my middle name. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] And you, sir. You have always prided yourself on being a good man; a man of moral courage. So, when you thought you were a mass-murdering butcher in a totalitarian state: despair. Despair destined to drive you over the edge. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] And with you it was taking a human life. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Precisely. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] Not Dibbley? [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] No. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Rimmer. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] I'm afraid so. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] So, what happened to the Despair Squid? [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: I took care of that! Limpet mines -- there's enough fried Calamari out there to feed the whole of Italy. [:np] [:dv sm 1 hs 90 br 0 ri 0 la 0] [:ra 250] Well, I say lets get out of here. [:nu] [:dv as 1 bf 10 la 30 nf 10 ri 100 sm 50 hr 100 sr 20 ap 130] [:ra 240]: Flight coordinates programmed. Switching to pilot cooperation until we hit the surface. [:nf] [:ra 240] [:dv br 0 hs 95 ap 100 as 100 pr 220 hr 30 sr 30] Those planet engineers really screwed up in a big way here, didn't they? Playing god. The evolutionary process threw up a life force so much stronger and more deadly than any other species -- damn near wiped out everything on the entire planet. Spreading despair and destruction wherever it stuck its ugly mush. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] Hmm, that sounds rather reminiscent of a species sitting not a million miles away from me now. Ha ha ha! [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] You probably have to be a mechanoid to fully appreciate that one. [:nf] [:dv br 0 la 0 sr 100 hr 100 ap 150 pr 95] [:ra 220] Kryten, no one likes a smart-alec android. Hit the retros. [:nh] [:dv br 0 qu 100 ap 60 sr 0 hr 0 la 0 hr 30] [:ra 240] We're on our way, sir. [:np] [:ra 245] Starbug lifts off the ocean floor and heads off. [:np] The end. [:np] I hope that all the oices wern't too confusing. I tried my best to make destinctions. Beginning of this episode, me, Thomas Geczy is taking control of the seens. All questions and comments should be directed to g e c z y @ earthlink.net or gt1991 @ gmail.com. Hope you enjoyed! Yes, we needed to use uggly wendy.